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I also face the challenges of living with bipolar disorder but it was never an issue with any of the parties to our adoption. It was included in my medical history; and it was briefly discussed when I was asked about an arrest record from my distant past. It's possible that people on my reference list were asked about it, but no one ever said so. My contacts with the caseworkers and attorneys involved in our adoption spanned more than a year. Because our case was an involuntary TPR of my beloved niece, they had ample opportunity to see me living my life under very stressful conditions and to make up their own minds about my fitness to parent.
I think what really matters is whether your husband believes he can do it, and whether you have confidence in his stability. Whether or not they ask for it, these are some questions you'll want to answer for yourself:
How long has your husband been in treatment? Has he found a combination of meds that work for him? Is he committed and dedicated to staying stable by following the treatment regimen? Be honest -- how many times has he stopped taking his medications, no matter what the reason? When was the last time he was fired or changed jobs impulsively? Is he secure in his current job? Is he financially responsible? Have violence or domestic abuse been a symptom of his disorder? Have drug or alcohol abuse been part of his history? How long have you been married and how well have you adapted to the realities of living with his disorder? (Some studies show that 90% of bipolar marriages end in divorce!)
If honest answers to those questions don't scare you away from your plans to parent, then they probably won't scare anyone else either. Go for it!
DC Momlady
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