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We knew years before we married that we were going to adopt if we decided to have children. We encountered some problems with the first agency we dealt with (we lived overseas). They were concerned that we 'didn't want our own' (I know, I know...makes me want to scream!). One reason we wanted to adopt, was because there is severe diabetes within dh's extended family; and severe arthritis (starting within the young adult age)...in mine. And even though neither of us has these problems at this point--we did not want to deliberately straddle a child with these disorders. And, frankly, we felt that there were already too many people on the planet, etc.
So, we had to see an MD to show that there was a good chance we could conceive a baby with these problems....and our wanting to adopt was sincere.
I personally got some very rude comments concerning this issue from a classmate while attending college. (She got pregnant, and I'll never know why she was so angry that we had made the choice we did---other than the fact her family had severe diabetes in it too.....)
But, more than once, we had to 'prove' our sincerity. We also had to submit to a marriage test--separately and together---to show if we were compatible. (This was before our third adoption...and we'd been married for at least 15 yrs.)
Still, we've had our share of stupid comments about 'not having our own'. It makes me mad that some people put biology ahead of adoption in terms of thinking that a bio baby would be 'more' our own than another would be. But hey...it's their problem, I guess. We've never regretted not trying to get pg-----seven adoptions later....and even though two of those adoptions (older kid adoptions) have not gone well. (We're still considering adopting another baby...and time will tell......)
Sincerely,
Linny
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