I can relate to quite a bit of what you say.
The suicide thing is such a huge club that they wield. It's like it places the responsibility of keeping them alive on you in that you don't want them to be unhappy and darn sure don't want them to leave you...it's incredibly unfair. But, as my wife constantly preaches to me, it's a sign of the sickness that they suffer.
I'll tell you a little secret. I think that somewhere deep I always kept suicide as some sort of 'in case of emergency, break glass' kind of option but when my kids were born I conciously gave that up. And I couldn't conceive of telling my kids something like that, much less subjecting them to 2-3 theatrical suicide non-events. At 13 year old doesn't know that mommy doesn't have the guts to do it.
Thanks and peace,
soulsearching
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by sal
Hey soulsearching.......... I can relate to alot of what you wrote about......especially the suicide threat(s) of your amom... When I was 8.. my amom who as an adult I FINALLY realized had chronic depression as well as a personality disorder... told me that she felt "so awful, that if it weren't for you and Tom... I would end it"... The rest of my childhood was lived in fear of her doing just that. I never told anyone.. perhaps in fear that if you say it.. it might come true. My soul was unsettled for a long time... but there came a time that either I did something about the pain it was in...........or suffer even more migraines, gastrointestinal problems, etc.. I went to my doctor and sobbed in her office....she referred me to a counselor who gave me back myself... During the years that I saw her........I also searched for, found, and reunited with my bmom, bsibs, and extended bfamily. I also said goodbye to my dad, mom, a bcousin and a bbrother .. all in the same year. My only regret in it all is that I didn't choose to get help for me sooner....which in turn would have brought my bfamily to me sooner!! good luck... there is alot of great support here.........sal
|