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SoulSearching,
I too relate to your story. The biggest difference is that my a-parents have stayed together in their sick & twisted marriage, & that I am the only child who was subjected to their crazy-making. They often threatened to leave me behind if I didn't behave. Usually it happened when we were far from home, where I knew no one & was terrified of the unknown. I understand how harmful psychological abuse can be, & how it can be used against an innocent child. People would often tell me I was lucky to have "such wonderful parents." I doubt they would have thought them so great if they had witnessed the pain & discomfort they heaped on me.
I'm now 44 & it's never very pleasant to visit my a-parents, as they just can't help themselves but to criticize me, my kids, my fiance, etc, even as they have grown old & feeble...their minds & tongues are still sharp & wicked. But at the same time, I also feel obligated to care for them, because there is no one else who can or will. They have little to do with their own family members.
For the most part, I'm an easy going person...it's taken me a lot of years to not blow up when little things go wrong. My marriage did not survive. My ex & his family was also abusive & I just couldn't take living with another abusive human being for the rest of my life. I was tired of being treated like a piece of garbage. It was literally killing me, & I was looking for a way out, even if it was death...it was much the same as during my childhood.
Oh yeah, my a-parents never threatened me with suicide, but my a-father forced my a-mother to marry him by shooting himself in the chest...nearly did kill him, & I hate to say it, but I believe I may have been better off if it had...wouldn't have ended up with the 2 of them! But anyway I digress! You are not alone & this is a safe place to heal past wounds.
I don't know if psychological wounds can ever be completely healed...I think mine have lessened some. But it's certainly a lot more work & more time consuming than recovering from physical injuries.
Last edited by nobodys_child : 02-06-2006 at 09:51 AM.
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