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When you talk about the dilemma you feel about seeing your amom and feeling compelled to see her and have your children see her, I totally relate. I feel that same push-pull with my amom. I love her, but some of the things she does just bugs the heck out of me and then I feel resentment and hurt. She tries very hard (too hard) but she sometimes says and does things I totally disagree with. For example, she says that my son (1yr) is spoiled, when I know he is far from spoiled. To me it seems that she is holding on so tight to the fact she is a "grandma" but inside she feels insecure that she is not really his biological grandmother. It brings up feelings in me that I think she was an insecure mother to me when I was little because she felt insecure over not being my biological mother, but adoptive. It makes me feel like I have to coddle her and make her feel ok as the mom and it saddens me because our relationship is strained. As soon as I leave I'm trying to figure out how to make her feel loved because when I'm with her it is forced and then I feel kind of guilty about it, because I truly do love her.
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