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Hey soulsearching.......... I can relate to alot of what you wrote about......especially the suicide threat(s) of your amom... When I was 8.. my amom who as an adult I FINALLY realized had chronic depression as well as a personality disorder... told me that she felt "so awful, that if it weren't for you and Tom... I would end it"... The rest of my childhood was lived in fear of her doing just that. I never told anyone.. perhaps in fear that if you say it.. it might come true. My soul was unsettled for a long time... but there came a time that either I did something about the pain it was in...........or suffer even more migraines, gastrointestinal problems, etc.. I went to my doctor and sobbed in her office....she referred me to a counselor who gave me back myself... During the years that I saw her........I also searched for, found, and reunited with my bmom, bsibs, and extended bfamily. I also said goodbye to my dad, mom, a bcousin and a bbrother .. all in the same year. My only regret in it all is that I didn't choose to get help for me sooner....which in turn would have brought my bfamily to me sooner!! good luck... there is alot of great support here.........sal
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