Hi Karen,
I've rarely (if ever?) posted...I'm new & we're awaiting a referral, but I lurk lots and your insights have always helped me...so maybe I can return the favor and offer some thoughts.
Our sons were adopted at birth, so the attachment issues were not as much of an added stress as what you and Alex will be facing with this surgery. With one son we've done tubes (I'll skip that advice b/c you know the routine), and with our other son we JUST did the tonsil/adnoid surgery 2 months ago (he had just turned 3.)
First the good news, pre surgery: our son sounded like Darth Vader when he slept. Post surgery: I have to put my hand on his back to ensure that he's still breathing...I'm telling you, he's SILENT. Pre surgery: major sleep apnea...bad sleeping & he was up 3-4 times per night many times (my husband & I were going crazy from lack of sleep!) Post surgery: almost NEVER wakes up, unless he needs to go to the bathroom.
Now, the bad news: some kids react STRONGLY to the anaesthetic...ours did. The nurse described the waking up process from surgery as a "bad acid trip." Well, ever seen the criminals on the show COPS who take PCP and get super-human strength and have to be restrained by 4 or 5 officers? That was our son. I was FREAKING OUT when he woke up! Hopefully, Alex won't have this reaction, but nobody had prepared me for it and it was really frightening (the good news, or at least the nurses/doctors told me this to lighten my burden...supposedly the child will not have memory of this horrid scene.) I agree with the poster who said to have both parents there.
Helpful tips for preparation, many of which previous posters mentioned:
1. At this age, don't start the info to Alex too soon...a few days prior will help him enough
2. ROLE PLAY: both my sons took part & still love this game. We bought a book called something like "So, you're going to the hospital." After we'd read the book, we'd pretend to do a surgery & take turns being the patients/doctor. I'd pretend to be the doctor and/or nurse & pretend to dress him in a gown, give him some "funny gas" to make him sleepy and pretend to take out his tonsils and then wake him up and we'd pretend to have a sore throat and eat some ice cream or pudding. We still play this game & they think it's hilarious. I even taught them to say things like: "Give me the funny gas, STAT!"
3. Yes, STAY WITH HIM until he's "under." The nurses AND doctor thought I was an over-protective freak of a mom, and acted like it was a huge inconvenience for me to walk in the O.R.. I just smiled while they were debating whether or not I could go inside and sweetly said, "Thanks for your understanding. Do I need to put on a cap first, or can I just walk in?"
4. I found a GREAT blog/website while surfing for info on this subject, and we would look at it leading up to the surgery. It's a little girl's true story/photos of having her tonsils out (I realized from the photos that she was adopted from China, neat side note.) It's
http://home.comcast.net/~lpeto/tonsils/
5. Really stress that Alex is NOT going to the hospital due to ANYTHING he may have done. Many kids think it's a form of punishment.
6. The 1st couple of days after were okay, but things then got HARDER for a few days. I hate to say this, but it was probably Day #11 before he really seemed better. The voice took awhile to normalize, but now things are WONDERFUL!
Okay, this LONG post has rambled enough! Good luck!
Carrie