[blessedbybug]

I really feel that you have to let go of any sense of control or entitlement you might feel you have to this child. The fact is, that the woman described in your post as a birthmother is not that. She hasn't given birth yet and until she does, and until she makes any parenting decisions about her child, whether it to be the parent or make an adoption plan, well, it's her choice. It's her baby.

Tough stuff...anxiety filled stuff...the only way I got through it was to remember that it wasn't my baby until she decided it was. She was the expecting mom, not me. It was about her and her needs, not mine. That was hard for me to wrap my head around as I really desired the assurance that things would work out, but in reality, that isn't how adoption works. Really, she will need to remake this decision to place her child with you once the child is in her arms. I would allow her as much time and space that she needs to make the right decision for herself and her baby. That means it may not work out for you and for that, I am sorry. But I sure wouldn't want to be the one to tell my DD I didn't give that time and space to her first mother to make the decision she needed to make.

As for the bonding... I don't think you need to worry about that. Our DD was with us from minute one and the reality was that she had already bonded with her first mother...the smells and sounds...she had to adjust even from that age. For me, it would be true gift to know my DD was able to spend time with her first mom during that time, even if it would have meant we didn't have her with us for awhile.

This is tough stuff...this holding loosely to the possibility of this match. I am so sorry you are having to go through it. I hope for the best for all involved.