[wenrl]

This was also posted on the special needs board...

We are moments away from switching our adoptive license to foster care. We're hoping to foster one girl between 5-8.

Our original plan was adoption, but that looks like it won't go anywhere since we want to stay in state and there isn't really a huge need for adoptive parents for girls in the age group we feel would be best for our family -- they mostly get adopted by foster families and visiting resources -- hence our change.

While we were waiting for an adoptive placement we furnished a room but didn't decorate and bought a small amount of toys and kept them packaged. Before T. moved in, we decorated the room and opened all the toys, so they were ready to go. We quickly regretted it because she wanted to know whose room she was taking and who used to own the toys. With this next placement I wanted her to have the option to do her own decorating and know the toys were just for her, because they are brandy new and untouched. I thought it would help her with the sense of "this is your home."

However, with a foster placement, even if it's longterm, I'm thinking all of that is not a good idea. I will leave the few toys in her room and let her keep them whether she stays or moves on, but I don't think she should be brought in with all the decorating and so on advantages of a permanent placement, not because I am an evil jerk, but because I think that would be too confusing and probably traumatic for a girl that age. She will probably be hoping to go home soon and the goal may be for her to do just that.

What does everyone think? What are some helpful and not helpful things to do when a foster child moves in? What will help them feel safe, loved and comfortable without giving them the impression you want to take them from their birth families and keep them forever when that goal isn't part of their plan at the time? Where is the line between welcoming a child and overwhelming her?