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For anyone who cannot understand how this dissolution of an adoption could happen:
When your other children have been sexually or physically assaulted. When you or your other children have been physically assaulted to the point of narrowly missing death; when you have had to sleep outside the bedroom door of the perpetrator, in order to assure that no one will be knived:
When you too, have realized that the system deliberately failed to tell you that the child you adopted was in a psychiatric ward at the age of 3yrs for out of control, dangerous, violent behavior...that a suggestion from a professional dealing with this child, read 'that said child should be housed in a long term residential facility'....and YOU never saw ONE PAGE of this material...but the system had it all the time. When you realize that you ONLY got this material through an attorney AFTER the adoption was complete and the kid was THEN diagnosed with RAD:
When you've had a child for many years, and that child suddenly goes crazy. Yes, I said 'crazy'...and deliberately puts your other children in harm's way...so much so, that he's arrested...and you know that 'if you bring him back home'....you will have to live with video cameras and monitors in every hallway and room...thus, forcing your other 'innocent kids' to live in a residential setting....when you know that bringing this assaultive kid home, ALSO means that YOU can THEN be arrested for 'putting the innocent children in harm's way, and YOU were failing to protect THEM'....and---
when you HAVE adopted many other children....who have done well.......when even the CPS admits that 'both of these kids will harm themselves and others if left to their own devices'....and therefore, tells you that you can terminate the adoption.....
Then.....then....
you'll understand why this kind of heartache and hurt and dissolusionment can and DOES happen more often than you realize. And that simply stating:
Well....THEY signed up for this, THEY need to deal with it...sounds oh so good.....but in reality...it really means that whoever states it, just doesn't want to deal with the reality that some of these kids--given the BEST counseling and services...are so often, fraudulently represented or......adopted by parents who tried their best....but the kids are simply Too Damaged to live in a traditional family and a traditional home.
In some homes, successful adoptions are a nice world to imagine and talk about. Those of us who have BTDT......know reality. Not all adoptions are wonderful.......
Linny
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