[amyfk]

HI to the Group,

Hopefully others can associate with how I'm feeling.

After 1+ yr. of trying to get all of our dossier complete. We switched countries and then back to Russia, our agency gave us a referral. The baby in the referral was adorable and even though we're adopting, my husband felt the baby looked like him a bit. I sort of had visions of adopting that kid.

Anyway, we checked with a local I.A. doctor who has a very good reputation evaluating the medical health of Russian adoptees.

Without outright telling us what to do, the gist of her feedback was that this baby has some health problems. She felt that it was highly likely that the child has FASD and she said that the baby was in one of the lowest percentiles for head circumference after birth. I think low head circumference can mean possible lack of appropriate brain development.

Anyway, today is my birthday and although I'm going out to dinner with my spouse to celebrate tonight, I feel somewhat saddened.

Due to my own medical problems we decided to adopt. If I were to have a biological baby there would have been a chance that my kid could have been born with lifelong birth defects. It was a tough time, and a veyr painful decision, but we didnt want to take the chance. Now after eagerly awaiting a child, I felt lousy to knock down an innocent child's chances of getting a home. I also think of this baby, hope she's adopted by some kind couple with mental and physical resources , and sort of feel mad at the birthmother out there who didnt take care of her health while she was pregnant. It saddens me that the child may have to pay the ultimate price because of the birthmother's negligence during pregnancy. It's one thing to decide to not take care of your own health, but to mess up the health of an innocent being really upsets me

Thanks for letting me vent,
Amy K.
NJ