Christine,
I guess in my situation, my parents had this ideal family in their heads and couldn't believe I would stoop so low (as if I got pregnant on purpose to spite them!). The irony is that my sister ended up repeating history and had my nephew but she was able to stay home, finish a degree, by a house, a car and live her life, all while my parents practically raised my nephew. I guess one could say that they learned their lesson. I disagree. It's funny, but I continued to show up to family functions (they were horrified) not because I wanted to embarrass them (although that's what happened) but because I genuinely wanted them to approve of the type of mother I became. I wanted so badly for them to accept me but now that my son is 16, they are now seeing the fruits of MY labor and not theirs (while my nephew is so messed up, I hurt for the boy, seriously). My sister never truly became a mother and my nephew longs for her approval everyday and she doesn't know how to give it.
My sons are seen as the shining stars now and my parents brag about their grandsons, even though they live around the corner and barely see them). It make me smile to see my dad give my son advice on driving, girls, school work, etc. He just smiles politely and thanks him for the advice, then hugs me later telling me what wonderful parents he has. I have come to terms with my parents dysfunction, as it has to be incredibly hard to live with the guilt of what they did. We are not really close but I play the part of the dutiful daughter beautifully, knowing that they deserve all the grace that I can muster. They are certainly victims of trying to live up to some ideal of what society should be, instead of recognizing that sometimes life's struggles can involve strange ironies that can result in happy endings and wonderful lessons learned.
