[sugarbabysmommy]

I have to disagree with a portion of your post Lisa. You said, "I think the biggest determination is the parental mindset-do you feel entitled to parent and be this child's mom/dad? you can't bond if you don't. " I felt very attached to my child, but not fully entitled to be my child's mother- and that feeling lingered for a year. I had a lot of guilt associated with my child's placement and it interferred with my sense of entitlement, however I adore my babe and am very attached, as babe is to me.

I relate to Regina's post a great deal and even said the same words to my counselor, that I'm not cut out for this. My counselor assured me a day would come that I would know in my bones I was this child's mom, and she was right.

We waited weeks for relinquishments, not a day or two, but nearly two months all the while my child's birthmother was sharing her grief with me. There was no way to spend those two months feeling like only the care giver or baby sitter, with those little eyes looking up at me, that warm little squirmy body, the little grunts and snorts with a bottle and my heart was sunk. We were attached. One day the emotion of it all became too much for me, I told my husband to call the agency and say I was done! If she wasn't going to sign she needed to come pick up the baby right then, my heart was breaking, we are attaching and there as no turning it off. He rushed home from work, calmed me down, and never made that call.

My darling hubby was smitten and attached from the get go. He was clueless about baby stuff, had never spent time with kids, had me critizing him at every turn, but he is the best dad ever. He turned to jello from the moment he held babe.

The big thing with a guy is, let him have the time. We women tend to monopolize babies and guys have a hard time getting any time alone. WE can end up sabatoging their efforts. And, some guys are all too happy to let us monopolize the baby. So commit to yourself that you will LEAVE the house, not just go into another room- because trust me you will be out of the room at the first peep from the baby- go outside, to the store, whatever, just go. He needs time alone to get to know the baby, to learn what baby needs and baby needs to learn about him, to rely in him too.

I also feared about attachment, and I can say that soon after my child was born I learned not to take our attachment for granted. I did parent differently than I might have if babe were born to me.