OK, I'll jump in here!
I was 18, 21, 23 and 24 when I had my boys. The most traumatic situation (in the beginning) was with my first son. I guess you could say I had had a perfect childhood until that point (huge home, my own car at 16, private schools, being able to afford college, etc.) but I went off to college pregnant and I almost believed that it wasn't true (how did that happen?
).
Well, while in my first semester of college, I decided to go and get an abortion. I had a friend whose boyfriend was MUCH older than us and she told me that she had had several and that he would loan me the money. Well, I went and I laid on that table and the doctor placed my hands on my belly to feel the baby and told me that she couldn't do it because he was too big! I must've still been in shock because there was no way I wanted to let my parents down but what was I to do. Needless to say, I went into labor in my dorm room and delivered about an hour later (and he was 4 months premature). I was embarrassed and horrified and the sickly thing in the incubator whose cry couldn't even be heard. My father told me I had to leave and I had to make it on my own.
What no one told me is that I could've stayed in school WITH housing and WITH a job in their work/study program. I could've gotten on WIC. But I was made to feel worthless and low. I bounced around from friend's home to friend's home with an infant that wasn't as healthy. I was young and naive and finally had a friend's mom get me a really good job and help me get my own apartment. I was prepared to be the best mom I could be because he deserved it and my life revolved around him. I met my husband when he was 16 months old and we had three more boys together.
Somewhow, adoption never came up, but I do know that being AA, in the black community near Washington, DC, I knew lots of girls that had babies really young, and adoption is not something that happens a lot. Most of the time, a family member will step in and raise the baby until the person gets on their feet or the end up raising the child permanently. And, in some cases, it was almost a badge of honor to have "so and so's" baby. Most of their mothers had had them young and they knew about all the benefits. I guess I was raised in this bubble, shielded, almost protected.
It was hard being a really young parent. The world was no longer this perfect place. My dreams weren't important anymore, but finding a way to feed my baby became paramount. In looking back, I made mistakes with him. Mistakes that I didn't make with his younger brothers. I wished there had've been a mentor or "grandmother" who could'v been there. I did find my way and my life today is wonderful. I realize that it could've been otherwise, but I see young mothers today who struggle and try to give them wisdom, gently, so as not to make them defensive. I am greatful for the lessons I have learned and my sons know how it was then.
