I think attachment and bonding can be a bit more difficult with an older child. With a newborn it was rather quick for me. I had a day alone with dd while we waited for her bmom to sign the papers. During that less than 24 hours I did tell myself I was babysitting and that was it. The minute i got the call then I let myself bond with her. To be honest I suspect i probably already had, but the mind tells the heart things to get by
.
that little innocent baby depends on you and that's what makes them easier to bond with, imho. the toddler, that fully formed beast that terrorizes our house, much harder to bond with instantly, lol. Just this morning dd managed to set my washer to sanitize, the extra hot cycle, so my delicates that were washed overnite were boiled for 10 minutes before i noticed it
. Then she ran to my phone book and made it pretty by coloring in it with a pink pen and a pencil. All that in about 20 minutes. I can totally see how it would be harder to bond with this little person
.
btw, I think it took longer for dh to bond, probably a couple of days. mostly because he just felt like he didn't know what he was doing, and that gets in the way of bonding. One of the best things I think we did was to let him carry dd in a sling all the time, plus the first night he met her, I'd been with her for 72 hrs alone, so when he flew in I gave him a 5 minute briefing and went to bed. he had to sink or swim, and was quite proud that he managed just fine-only had to wake me up once, lol.
I think the biggest determination is the parental mindset-do you feel entitled to parent and be this child's mom/dad? you can't bond if you don't. Allow your dh some time with the child too. Leave them for a couple of hours, make him wear the baby bjorn while out (he'll realize that babies are a major chick magnet and like my dh will be thrilled to wear dd, lol). he'll quickly bond if he hasn't already
. He just needs to feel entitled.
good luck and enjoy your classes-my dh found them very informative since he didn't do all the reading I had.
Lisa
__________________
-first time amom to dd, born 7/7/04
-placed in our arms by a very loving bmom 7/9/04
-bfather's rights terminated 9/7/04
-just connected with bdad!!! 2/9/05
-visited bfamilies for a week, awesome trip 6/05
-bfather signed legally binding open adoption
agreement 7/05
-finalized (woohoo!) 18th of November 2005
-Thinking about adoption #2!
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