[sdsb1996]

I can totally relate to the envy, sadness, anger, etc. one feels when they see someone pregnant. My husband and I began trying to have a little one over four years ago. We were able to get pregnant with the assistance of fertility drugs and procedures but each pregnancy ended around the third month. The feeling I felt during those years and occasionally now were/are horrible. My husband and I used to say we would never wish this on our worst enemies (not that we have enemies but you know what we meant. I would think every time one of my friends left me a message to call them back they were going to tell me they were pregnant (again). I was a mess. I cried all the time and I became very bitter which had never been a personality trait of mine. People would always tell us to "relax it will happen" and it made me furious.

I was so torn because we really wanted to adopt but didn't know how we would afford it (the fertility treatments were also expensive but we toldour insurance would pay - they didn't). I used to tell my best friend that I had never been able to "picture" myself in a hospital giving birth but I always "picture" us in the airport coming home with our little one surrounded by our friends and family. I prayed that God would show us how we could afford the adoption and to please give me peace with not having a bio child. I can't pinpoint the moment God granted me peace but one day it occurred to me that I hadn't cried (sobbed) in almost a month!! I praise God for knowing the big picture and providing me a way to adopt my beautiful baby girl. We started our process Feb. 1, 2005 and we are currently waiting to enter PGN. We have visited our daughter and could not be more in love.

If you ever want to talk more please pm me.