[angelkisses0102]

http://pnpic.org

www.radzebra.org

Karen~
Here's another couple of links...

I will say...trust your gut on this one...what you are describing 'sounds' like more attachment related than anything else...yes personality plays a role in it...but based on our children's history...the fact that they are PI kids...who had nothing close to a 'normal' beginning...who never had their needs met until us...I personally feel that it is better to err on the side of it being attachment related.

You have been home a very, very short period of time, although I am certain some days it feels like an eternity...you are the primary caregiver, you will get the brunt of the behaviors and issues. My DH still has trouble believing me some days, even though he has seen the behaviors over the past 2 years, it is very, very infrequently.

Our kids missed out on so, so much...if we don't address and try to heal them now, we and they will suffer the impact and consequences for a lifetime.

I am looking for some new info for you...have you looked thru all the links I sent yet? If so, I will send you more.

OK, let me give my personal opinion on your questions...

Does anyone have any words of wisdom for a 1-year-old? She is doing a lot of the same things. Crying a LOT - and mostly a "complaining" kind of cry. "I'm not happy!" When she can't reach something, can't have something, falls from a standing position (lightly on her tush), sees you walk into the next room, has her face wiped, gets a diaper change, gets strapped in the car, sees you making her something to eat, etc etc. Pushing at you with her hands and generally over-reacting, acting willful and wanting control. This past weekend was particularly brutal - she just would not stop for more than a few minutes at a time. She'd be happy for a bit, then start in again.

Are you carrying/holding her? If not, I strongly suggest getting a carrier of some sort and not put her down...I swear Alex's feet didn't hit the ground for months. She is pushing you away because it is safer than allowing you in...she risks so much of herself and all the walls she has built to protect herself...if she lets you in...so she will push you away.

She does seem to be attaching fairly well - cuddles in when I hold her, is happy to see me when I've been out, etc. So other than attachment parenting and trying to remain calm (easier said), should there be any consequences to acting out?

On who's terms, yours or hers. Try this, pick her up and hold her like a newborn...cradle her. What is her reaction? Does she squirm to get down or arch her back and FIGHT? Will she look you in the eye or avoid eye contact?

Time-ins...never time outs or anything to physically seperate the 2 of you...pick her up...talk to her...

Should I be comforting her even when she is being bratty? But how do you set limits with an infant?Or is it my imagination that she's being bratty and it is all about loss and attachment and adjusting?

Yes! Yes! Yes!!!! Treat her at her emotional age....how old is she? If she is 12 months old...treat her like a 6 month old. She is probably still grieving...even though our kids were not in ideal situations and sometimes awful situatins...they still grieve for their losses...because they have lost EVERYTHING they have ever known...regardless of what we think or feel about their previous situation...it was all they ever knew.

Reading these posts it seems like maybe she is TRYING to keep me at arms length? Doesn't want to get to close? Or is that mainly with older kids? Most of the books I've read on attachment seem to be geared toward older chidren as well.

She very well may be....again, it is 'safer' for her to keep you away...she doesn't believe she can trust you yet! Alex took 11 months to trust DH....

It's very hard to paste a smile on your face and cuddle/comfort when all you want to do is say "Can you just SHUT up for TWO minutes???"

Hugs! Yes it is...yes it is. That is when I would put him in the pack and play and go and cry/scream/sob/whatever worked for the moment in another room.

Just know you are not alone...keep coming here...we understand...