[Kimberj71]

I have to say that meeting my children's foster mothers was the second best highlight of our trips. Of course, the first being that we got to be with/bring home our children. Their fostermothers are the primary connection we have for them to their birthcountries and their first months of life. These are the women who cared for them when they were sick, who got up with them every two hours in the middle of the night, who worried when they were ill, who took them to their check ups and to the family court interview and DNA. As hard as it was to see them let go, I was so thankful that I could tell them first hand how much we love them and appreciate all they did for our children. I am also so thankful that I have photos and video of that day as I believe it will be so important for our children as they grow.

Someone up above mentioned that adoption is bittersweet. That is so true. I understand that your friend had a hard time after meeting the fostermother. I have to tell you that there are moments even 20 months later that I get emotional thinking about their fosterfamilies and especially their birthfamilies. It is a sorrow that, for me, I've come to realize will always be there. I have all the joy of raising and loving these beautiful children of mine, but just on the other side of that is grief and sadness for what their birthfamilies and foster families are missing out on. I'm not sure I'm making sense. But I wonder if this is anything like what I've read is called "shadow grief" that some adoptees experience throughout their lives. Not that you're sad all the time, but that just under the surface there is a sorrow.

Anyway, I just want to encourage you to meet your child's fostermother/family and ask lots of questions. And to let you know that even if you don't meet them, there is the possibility that you will still grieve their loss. Hope all this rambling makes sense.

Kim