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We went through just about same thing.
We were fostering a boy we pretty much knew we would get to adopt (we did) - bio's deserted him early on in reunification process.
We took 2 other boys "foster to adopt" thinking we were going to save the world. Several weeks into it, the feeling just wasn't there. We fought it and fought it thinking it would work. Finally, we decided we could not "fake it" just to provide them stabiltiy and not love. They went back.
GUILT<GUILT< GUILT
A year later a church member told us they saw the boys with their adopted new family in target. THey talked to the parents and the boys were doing fine.
Decisions such as this are so hard! Perhaps there is another family for the kids. Who knows, if we did the deicon would be easy!
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