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Here is a letter I have posted before for friends and family. It is written by Susan Ward and is from the older child adoption site. I think it's a good one.
Letter to Family and Friends:
The Early Months
by Susan M. Ward
Dear Family and Friends:
We're very, very excited about bringing our new child home! We've done a lot of reading and research into adoptive parenting and feel knowledgeable and prepared to help our child become an excellent family member and successful person.
There are some things about adoptive parenting that are the same as parenting a biological child. There are quite a few areas, though, that we've learned are different. Through our adoption agency, books, other adoptive parents, psychologists, and more, we've learned that our child needs a specific type of environment and parenting when she first comes home in order to feel safe and secure and to learn how to live successfully in our family.
While we know that every child is different, we understand that there are many possible things that will impact our child's beliefs and behavior when she gets home. These include the degree of love she got, if she was abused or neglected, how much she ate, if she's been ill, the quality of parenting/caregiving she got, and more. The result of these things can include behavioral issues, emotional disorders, and a huge sense of grief and loss.
Adoption is a traumatic, scary, disconcerting event for any age child, whether they're newborn, or 10 years old. They're being removed from all of their routines and familiar surrounding. Even babies will feel grief and sadness at an event like this. In order to help our child feel safe and learn that we are her new parents, we are creating the type of environment that she requires during this stressful time.
Below we've listed a few things to help you understand how our child will feel when she first gets home.
Even children that have lived in dysfunctional homes with abusing and neglectful parents, are traumatized to leave their homes.
Even when they are moving to a family with more food, toys, and love, they will still be grief-filled.
Even if their past is filled with many traumatic and negative things, it wasn't ALL bad. They may have fond and happy memories of certain people, foods, smells, activities, or places.
She will be overwhelmed with EVERYTHING. New people, new rules, new foods, and more.
When our child gets home, at the recommendation of experienced adoption professionals, we need to do implement specific parenting approaches to help our child become a strong, attached, emotionally healthy family member. The child we're adopting needs to learn that we're her parents. And, she needs to feel nurtured and safe. Older adopted children are generally coming from multiple placements in foster care, or from an orphanage. In either instance, our child is not used to having parents to love and care for her.
Here are some things we'll be doing for our child, based on research and experience with other adopted children.
We'll be living a very quiet life with limited trips out and few visitors in. Social workers and psychologists tell us that when children are first adopted, they are overwhelmed, scared, and nervous. By keeping her life very boring at first, we'll be helping our child to feel safe.
We know you'll all want to hug, kiss, and help "baby" our new child, but you'll have to wait. According to adoption specialists, older adopted children, whether from foster care or an orphanage, need special parenting during their first few months home so they can strongly attach to us. Some children don't even know the difference between a parent and other adults. Until we feel our child has attached and clearly knows we're her parents, we will feed, change, and take care of her.
Our child will get all of her hugs, kisses, and cuddling from us, until she's attached and bonded to us.
Many older adopted children act very outgoing and affectionate with strangers. For safety's sake, we need to keep her close to us until she stops exhibiting what's called "indiscriminate affection, a common behavior of older adopted children."
We appreciate your time and understanding in reading this. We've given you this letter so that you'll understand how dedicated and committed we are to helping our new child adjust and adapt during this very traumatic time in her life.
Good luck!
LilyMoon
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