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what do you most want others to know about how adoption has impacted or touched your life? What do you need people to hear?
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I guess what I want people to know is:
1) that I thought adoption was a fairly uncomplicated process - a brief time in my life that I had recovered from and made it through;
2) thought that you could transfer a baby from one family to another with no little lingering problems for anyone;
3) that a tiny baby would never even miss its first mother or have any interest in her even as an adult;
4) that there was some initial pain, but, that you "got over it". Only a nagging sense that "something" wasn't quite right was all I felt for years.
5) that it was okay - adoption and separating mothers and babies.
Not until reunion, did I discover that I had never really truly allowed myself to "feel" what I
really felt about the loss of my son. I never felt that he even was "my" son until reunion, he was "theirs" and had little to do with me.
I thought he'd be like "them" not me. The feelings that surfaced at reunion - that he was my son too, always had been, - that I loved him dearly - that I longed to know him desperately - these were revelations to me.
The absolute worst realization though was the sheer horror of what I had done by giving my newborn to strangers to raise and missed nearly 32 years of his life. When I finally realized, the magnitude and significance of what I had done - when it finally hit me - it was horrific -and I experienced pain so deep and wrenching I was not certain I could survive such anguish. In the months and years that followed, I realized that nearly every idea I had about adoption no longer seemed valid for me anymore. All that I had believed flew out the window.
Ah, back to the impact. My son's adoption wounded my soul and my heart. The scars will always remain - mostly healed - but still tender to the touch at times. The experience has become part of who I am. The sheer raw pain is more than one should ever ask of a person unless it is absolutely necessary. It wasn't in my situation - but, I didn't know - and no one made any attempts to warn me what my son and I might face.
I want people to know that I don't hate all adoption - only those when a baby could and should be raised by its mother - a mother that wants to nurture and raise it. I believe in family preservation first, but never at a child's expense.
I want adoptive moms to know that I am not a super hero for relinquishing my child - most mothers will do what they feel (or are presssured into believing) is best for the child they love. So for any adoptive mom, it was no easier for me to lose my child than it would be for any of you - despite any other differences we might have.