|
I agree with you, soon2be. You really need to wait and decide what is best for your child when they come home, depending on their background, their personality, bonding, etc. I was pretty sure we would keep our daughter home for at least a month, maybe thru the end of the school year (Feb-May), and was open to homeschooling her this first year, if it seemed best. We've had "issues" we wouldn't have had if she wasn't in public school, for sure. But we're all happy with our decision to send her to school. You will know what your child needs most, as you get to know them when they come home.
On another subject of love and bonding. I don't know if this will make sense to those adopting or having brought home an infant or younger child. I started loving our daughter in 2000, when DH gave me permission to ask the agency about her after meeting her on our son's pickup trip. Started paperwork in early 2002. Long story short...when she came home in Feb 2005 and began some of her quirky, 10yr old behaviors (typical preadolescent behaviors, understandable under the circumstance of leaving her entire world behind, but still annoying), some days I just had to remind myself I did indeed love her. My head knew I was committed to this child for our lifetimes, but as with any of my kids, the feelings wasn't always there. That's true of my life with DH, too! But it was very scary to not always have loving feelings for her, since we didn't have "history" to cling to. At those times, I could remind myself of my committment to be her mom forever. Hope that encourages anyone adopting older children. It feels "weird" some days, not normal. Adopting 4yr old boys didn't feel like this. For them, it was just getting used to boys, after 4girls. Allowing myself that it sometimes felt scary, helped me get thru the times I sometimes wondered what we'd gotten ourselves into. Don't get me wrong...she is such a blessing! But some of the blessing has come in the form of needing to work harder to get to where we are today. We're still learning about each others' reactions, frustrations, needs. Some of the very things that frustrate me...her boldness, willingness to jump right into the "fray" by arguing with her brothers (she and our first son from Guat are now "twins" and our other son 2yrs younger), "me first" attitude, etc...all these things will help her succeed in school and life, as she learns to temper them and to be more generous and giving and "other centered". They're also things which have helped her jump right into our family and her life in America, dealing early with her grief and moving forward in her life. We're all blessed that our three had wonderful love and care at the same small, private orphanage in Guatemala City. Even if they'd come with more difficult issues, every child deserves a family. Some of the people I admire most are those willing to take on more difficult issues and special needs. Although I've read that our daughter is really considered "special needs" because of her age and issues of abandonment in her life, she's been given great blessings in her early life and her God-given personality to be able to deal with these things. Though we try not to excuse her behaviors, it helps to remind ourselves of all she has had to adjust in her journey into our family.
This is an amazing adventure! Thanks to all of YOU who are committed to bringing an older child into your lives. They will bless you, they will frustrate you, they will make you so proud by their efforts to become such an important part of your families! God bless you...as I know He will.
|