[mallory4]

Hesabanana,

Sounds like an anxiety-provoking situation, alright. There have been times when I have thought about R's situation and it has made me feel sick to my stomach with nerves.

What worked for me, to help me feel less anxious, was to make a list of everything that would have to happen in order for the worst-case scenario to happen. In our case, that was that R would be given to his bdad or bgrandpa.

I don't know just what your worst-case scenario is, but as an example I will use fd being given to the 19 year old.

First, paternity would have to be proved--he may not be the dad.
Then, he would have to be given a plan to work or pass a homestudy--which he might not do.
Meanwhile, he might be allowed visits--which he might no-show for or otherwise mess up.
Or, he could send in a relative--who also would have to pass a homestudy--which they might not do.
Meanwhile, as time is passing, she is spending that time in your home, which may matter when the judge is deciding TPR or placement. At the very least, it will matter if she is sent to bios and then in the future is put back in foster care--you may get her back.

Making my list like that made me see how likely it was that R would stay with us, and how, even if he was sent away, it wouldn't be suddenly, which was my real horror.

Also, I posted the facts of his case as I knew them on the foster to adopt board and on the social worker point of view board, and asked people to give me the odds. They did, and that helped me relax. And it turns out they were all right!

We read so many times on the boards about kids being sent home, it is easy to be scared. But there are also lots whose parents never get it together.
Hope this helps some, take a deep breath!