Unfortunately, we just went through this as well ... with all 3!
We were cleaning out the toybins before Christmas to make room and I found a burnt piece of paper (just one edge had been burnt) and a used match.
It was in T's bin and he confessed and ratted C out. J denied any involvement (that night). Seems they stole a small box of matches dh had taken out of the scout box (for what, he doesn't remember) and left in the truck. {theft #1}. Also, C stole a lighter I keep in my purse for birthday candles (no one smokes, but we always need a lighter) and also put it back {theft #2 and #3?}.
They admit they did this in the middle of the night and in the boys room. They seemed to have no thought as to why, or that they could have set the whole house on fire (we live in a, although very nice, mobile home...ie up in flames in seconds). Or even that the smoke could have killed J in his sleep in the top bunk (they swear he had nothing to do with the 1st time!
).
Sooooo....
1. I'm more careful in making sure my purse is in my room at all times. Funny how it was only a couple of times in 10 months.
2. No one leaves matches around and they are no longer in the scout box -- locked up unless we're using them for scouts, then locked back up.
3. EVERY SINGLE THING came out of their rooms except their beds. We made a HUGE deal of them losing our trust and how important that is in a family. Their dressers are now (and still) in our dining room (not just fire, but the sharp knife I found in T's clothes from him getting ready to run away...before the adoption -- which he took out of the dishwasher in the middle of the night as well). They've never kept their drawers so neat! They have slowly earned back some of their things (I thought about putting a padlock on their closet door).
4. There are now ALARMS on their bedroom doors (found cheap ones at Wal-mart -- 4 for $5 -- 2 didn't work but the other 2 will raise the dead!). We don't use them to lock them in, but to wake us up if the door is opened. Actually helping with the nightmares (no one can sneak in on them either). Oh, they had to pay for these.
5. We went back to line-of-sight supervision. Boy that really chapped their hides! That one lasted about a week and we've slowly been easing up.
6. They each had to write a report on the dangers of fire and why we don't play with it, but respect it. The little one (who still doesn't read or write very well) drew pictures and explained his "scribles".
I did threaten to take them to the burn unit at the children's hospital...and I still just might do that!
J finally admitted that he did it (all before adoption day) to see IF we'd still adopt him. He'd been hurt before by a couple that sent him away because of behaviors (really was that their family wouldn't support the idea of adoption). Looked a little shocked when I looked him right in the eye and said we still loved him, did adopt him, and weren't sending him anywhere, and it kind of backfired since we didn't find it until AFTER the adoption.
We still don't know why the other 2 did it.
What's with these guys! Man! Just gotta keep going though! Our therapist said we let up too soon.