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Jenna,
Several have suggested that whatever else you do, you make time to try to bond and cuddle a lot with baby Nicholas. I think it is advice to take to heart. If you can explain to your husband that you need to be lax for awhile with household stuff, that might make it easier.
Also, have you been evaluated to make sure that you do not have any treatable medical issues that would cause your feelings? Not saying you do, just that it is important to rule that out.
When my second son was born, I held him more than moms usually do and would barely set him down. I bonded with him possibly excessively. In addition, I knew he'd probably be my last child and that factored into the picture too. But there was more time in between my two sons and I think that had alot to do with the way I handled my second son. It made it easier (plus I blocked everything about my first son totally out).
I have heard many moms express that a subsequent child brings up so much from the time of losing the first one. Plus having an open adoption - your issues are nearly inescapable, right? Could you be afraid to bond with him? Feel that it would be disloyal to Munchin?
Just feeling overwhelmed in general having to go back to work has to factor into the situation too. How hard is going back to work? Are you feeling guilt for that?
Just some points to think about.
I feel for you and hope that you can find ways to work this out soon. I know that you can and will be sending good thoughts in your direction. It's crappy though wanting to enjoy your little guy - knowing how lucky you are - and having the past clinging maybe to thwart you? It will pass Jenna, and you'll both get through this and flourish. There are many resources, etc. to help you through this.
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