[tinamcgraw4]

This is continued from the adoption story. Now that I met my birth mother and brother in1980. I saw my brother more than my mother.But, see I was so confused that, that I can't really explain it, I wanted to get to know them but I didn't. So at the age of 15 when I did meet my brother I did hang out with him now and then. See my life at the time was so mixed up that his adoptive parents didn't really want me involed in his life. Which now I could respect now, but not then. It just made both of us rebell more. I am not sure why people could keep us apart. They did. So I only had eight years to get to know him, which is not a long time. In 1988, Nine months after I had gave up my son for adoption my brother took his own life at the age of 21. His adoptive family told me that it was my fault because I gave up my son for adoption, she said, you knew what you and your brother went through. For the longest time I blamed myself for his death. It has been one year, my birth mom took her life at the age of 59. My birth dad and I are the only ones left. Speaking of my birth dad he had remarried and had a family of his own. At the age of 17 I found out I had a half sister. She is not in my life, different way of thinking. Which is really to bad. My birth dad would only talk to me when he was drinking. Must of been a guilty mind I guess I am not really sure why these things happen, but there is always a reason. Just not sure why? That use to just break my heart. But now that I am older it does not brother me. I told him if you cant call me sober then dont call at all. All my respect and love are for my parents that brought me up, was there when I needed them, was there when I was hurt, and ect. It is a hard life out there, but it does get easier. Very sad over the whole way things seem to happen. I really hope there are people out there I could just talk to about similar situtaions as mine. I would really like to hear from you .

Sad