Thanks for the stories so far.
Yes, I am over tired.
Jen, thankfully, at first, I am not working full-time. though, I'm annoyed with our company that they jumped at the chance to list me as part-time so now I have no 401k through work and it feels like I'm working towards nothing. See, more negativity and overwhelming-ness.
There are moments when everything is okay. But, I don't know. I realized the other day, when Nicholas and Joshua were having a blast on the floor, that I am jealous of their relationship, of how easy it is for Josh. I feel as though I have to work super hard to even feel remotely connected... and Josh is just 'there.' I feel like a failure as a Mom because of this.
As someone else said, I keep having nightmares that a) Nicholas dies of some horrid disease, b) I leave Nicholas somewhere (mall/etc) or c) someone steals Nicholas. I'm paranoid about the door being locked anymore.
I had all of these visions about how wonderful a mother I was going to be. And so far, I suck!
Gah. I have to go get ready for work. I'm off tomorrow with the Kid (since Josh works) but it will be an awful, hideous day because he is getting his two month shots.
