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Hi, those first fews months sure are tough and I too had nightmares about my baby dying and I would constantly wake to go check on her. WE got a monitor which helped me sleep as I knew if it beeped it would wake me up. What I did to help me bond was to hold her and let her go to sleep in my arms - I know everyone says that you should put them in their beds and make them go to sleep by themselves.
BUT I stuggled with so many emotions and depression about the loss of my first child AFTER the birth of my second child. AND now going on six years later I know that the reason why we are so close is because I held her and looked at her as much as possible. If she wakes scared in the nite I still go sleep with her and hug her close. It's precious time for us to cuddle and often we talk about stuff. I often lie by her after reading a book at bedtime and we cuddle and chat. I too work and I know that when I get home I have to drop everything and it's her time. I do what she wants until bedtime. The cleaning etc gets put to one side or if it has to be done she helps me. My only advice is to Just hold that baby close as much as you can. No matter what you will be his mommy! No caregiver will ever take your place. BTW it is hard to leave them and go to work but other generations suffered worse separations and survived. Unfortunately it's just part of our lives. I also know that it's not good for my child to grow up in poverty so hang in there and be kind to yourself! banjo
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