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About birth dad
It's late - I just came across your letter, but will offer a quick reply. You didn't say how old your son is, and that does make a difference. At any rate though, I do not think in a first letter that it is necessary to mention the birth father. Certainly when your son is older, maybe even an adult, you could explain further.
Just tell your son briefly about your life, your hobbies, interests, your other children. Think 2-3 pages should be the maximum for a first letter. Keep it brief and then let him answer questions. I think it is a mistake to offer too much info too soon. If he does ask later about his birth dad, I certainly wouldn't lie about it, but until he's old enough, I would not feel it appropriate either to tell him the entire truth. I wonder how others have handled this type of situation? Maybe you could say that you did not know him well? True, right? Or you could put it off till he's older by saying that you are not comfortable talking about him initially?
It is a tricky situation. I am a gung ho advocate of the truth, but, I think the harder truths like rape need to be revealed only when a child is of age. Even then, I think it is crucial how one frames it. Any one else had to face this? While it is not real common, I would not say that it is that unusual either - I have heard of several women who relinquished who had been raped.
Most adoptees eventually want to know about the birth dad, but, maybe not right away.
Good luck and congrats on this wonderful opportunity!
I wish you the best.
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