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Originally Posted by rapunzel_001
I already feel responsible for so much hurt that she feels. I know it never had anything to do with me, but this woman is in so much pain over me and I am unable to give her what she needs. And it makes me sad.
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How can anyone be responsible for someone else’s healing.. Its living out side of yourself.. Its being a reflection of other people..
She wants her baby back.. She can not have that.. No one can turn back time..
If a woman is forced to relinquish her baby then that is what she grieves and or resolves.. the being forced..
The loss of her child through adoption..
I think we all suffer from this secret keeping that happened in the bad old days of adoption.. The aparents being told to pretend the baby is theirs.. The mother being told that she can go and sin no more.. and the child a slate wiped clean..
Its magical thinking.. and darn it thinking a person can take back time is beyond magical thinking.. I had so many dreams when I went into reunion.. unreal dreams.. Dreams I did not share with anyone.. because I knew no one would understand.. Dreams that had nothing to do with reality..
I had to find my reality in my reunion.. and I was smart enough to realize that if I did not I would end up with no reunion.. It hurt.. but I was the one who had to sort that.. He (bson) could not sort it for me.. all he could do was send honest signals..
What Brenda wrote is a right as it can get....
“First, you are not responsible for your birthmom’s pain. Nor is it your job to protect her or heal her.”
She is responsible for her pain.. she is the one who is keeping it going.. not going into the learning about acceptance.. Accepting what we can not change..
I fixed me.. I healed the stuff that was and is my life..
Jackie