Quote:
|
Originally Posted by stacyone
You know, I read an interview with Verrier where she admitted she never really bonded the same way with her adoptive daughter as with her biodaughter. I can't help but wonder if coming up with the "primal wound" idea was her way of excusing her own guilt... just a thought...
|
=============================================
The book makes a point that many dont want to hear that gestation and adoption do not produce the same kind of attachment. I have to say that to adoptive parents who adopt from their loss of fertility this can be a hurthful concept. One has to feel for them. In the same thought it should be recognized that an adoptee also comes into the relationship from the loss of the birth mother. Traditionally, we claimed that a baby has no lasting effect from this separation. What The Primal Wound states is that here is. Even though much of this is therory and difficult to measure we would be negligent if we ignored the serious implications of this. Keep in mind that the one voice never heard in an adoption is the voice of the infant. As a matter of convienience the adoption industry created beliefs that suited them. The baby will have no memory and no lasting effects, the birthmother is better suited the sooner her baby is taken away, were not based on solid research. It was the belief at the time and it was believed the best interests of the baby were served by these beliefs. Further the denial of the originl birth certificate to adult adoptees also comes from these beliefs On balance they were right, and we cant judge adoption today based on what was believed decades ago. Here today there is good research to indicate that babies do remember, suffer identity loss, and have a need to find their birth mothers. Birth mothers also suffer loss. All of this should
not be viewed as inevitable, irreversable damage to both mother and child. That would make us all hopeless victims and no one is served by that belief. I am adopted and I did experience the loss and grief discussed in The Primal Wound. I hid my emotions for 50 years and then when I let them be experienced completely I was taken back by the intensity of them. Its truly amazing what the human mind can supress in order to survive. So while I accept Nancy Verrier's ideas, based on my personal experience, I do not let myself be defined by them. I will define myself. I am adopted and I am not a victim. My life is a triumph because I was adopted not in spite of it.
Robert Allan Hafetz
Roberthafetz@comcast.ne
Not Remembered Never Forgotten