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But be honest Southernroots, naturally from your perspective you are going to believe that telling a child from birth is best because you are a birth mom. From your perspective you would want that child to know that YOU exist. I can understand that. But it isn't about you, or birth moms for me. It is about my child. I will do what's best for him not what's best for birth mom.
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I am being completely honest with you. Again, you are making assumptions that just because I am a birth mom, I cannot be objective about this situation, and that simply isn't the case. I acknowledge that I do have a birth mom's perspective, but, I also have a mother's perspective and always put what is best for the child above all else. Of course our places in the triad color how we react or feel about issues, but, it doesn't mean that we lose the ability to ever be objective and see an issue from all sides.
As parents, we owe a duty to our child to set good examples for our children; examples of honesty, facing up to tough issues instead of burying and/or running from them, showing compassion for others, etc. If we shield and overprotect our children too much, they may fail miserably when they leave the nest and have to fly in the real world. I may not understand protecting a child from birth family, but, I raised two children, so I do know about protecting children in general. And I know that it is often a delicate balance.
While I do not doubt that you love your child dearly and want the best for him, overprotecting him is doing a disservice to him. It is that simple. I do feel for your situation and understand that it has to be very challenging, but, that is your reality, and how you deal with it is how your son probably will.