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Originally Posted by Southernroots
Hmm, you have to respect the birth mom? She is the baby's birth mom, not yours, right? Would be better for your child if you respect her even if it is solely because of her relationship to your child. Don't have to like her necessarily, but, that'd be healthier for your child too if you did. She is still one of the mothers of your/her child whether you like or respect her or not though.
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I took the OP to mean that she wants to respect the birthmother's wish to not be known as the birthmother and by not displaying a picture and refering to the picutre with the baby as hey this is your birthmom, she was honoring her wishes. I don't think she meant she has to respect her, as in she's forced to and has no choice.
And to Pinkheart, there is no way I'd lie to my child, and she is asking you to lie. It's often said that kids are only as confused as the adults around them. Recently this has been proven to me by my own child's behavior because of the behavior of some birthfamily members and one adoptive family member. I now have to fix what others have muddled up with their own adult contrivances.
I'd ask her what this is all about. She may be hoping to avoid some of her own feelings about the adoption and her role by asking that she not be acknowledged to her child as birthmother. I respect that and would want to be sensitive to those feelings but your child deserves honesty, not make believe.