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As a soon to be bmom in what I guess you could call a good-faith open adoption, everything I've read here is very reassuring. I met the soon to be aparents about 2 months ago and am due to deliver now in a coupla weeks. I do admit, it felt a bit awkward meeting them the first time, but after we talked and shared, something in my gut tole me they were the right people to take care of my child.
In my state, there are no legally binding open-adoptions, and our agency we're working with hasn't even mentioned some sort of "good faith contract." When the social worker sat down with us to discuss the arrangement me and the amom discussed about contact after the delivery, she made sure to stress upon both of us that this was a gentlemen's agreement as she put it, just a verbal agreement between me and the parents but nothing physically binding them from allowing the contact I wish in coming years. I will admit, this made me a bit nervous. But the help and support that the aparents have already given me, and the openess we have have whenever we talk about any subject, reassures me more and more that I chose two people who I can trust.
And in case you're curious as to why I chose open adoption and what my wishes concerning contact are: first and foremost, I'm not ready to be a mom to this child or any other, not really a very maternal type of person. I want is to give my child a loving mom and dad and be someone who through the years the child may be able to look at as a friend, just another role-model among the many role-models children have as they grow up. I'm not mom, I'm just Alanna, who when the time is right, we'll explain how I carried them and gave them to their mom and dad.
My second reason for choosing open adoption has to do with my own parents. Both are in very bad health, one terminal with cancer, the other has post-polio syndrome and chrones disease. This may be the only grandchild they ever live to see, and I want them to have the oppurtunity to be that. Just cause I'm not ready to be a mom, shouldn't mean my parents shouldn't be able to also love and get to know this child. When I discussed this with the amom, she loved the idea. Her words, were that she felt you can never have too many loving relatives. And both me and the aparents know several children who grow up with 3 or more sets of grandparents and it never becomes a confusing issue. Children are pretty adaptable at figuring that stuff out.
My last reason for open-adoption is because the bdad in this situation dissappeared, and unfortunately I was not able to gather any info on him before he ran off. If in years to come I should happen to run into him, and am able to get stuff like last name, medical history and ethnic backround, this way I have open communication with the birthparents to pass this info on to them, and then eventually the child.
In closing, I've found open-adoption to be a very wonderful thing if both the aprents and bparents can open up and trust one another. But it's also very nerve-racking. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least the tiniest bit afraid that one day I woke up and for whatever reason the aparents said "No, we don't want you to see (insert name of child here) anymore" But all I can do, is keep up on my end of the bargain. Keep in contact, make as much of an effort as they hopefully will, and just hope that everything works out for the best.
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