Initially my mother was making comments that were killing me (I think she wished that we would try more invasive fertility treatments that we were unwilling to do). She said things like "It's a shame your child won't get your beautiful blue eyes" or "You and Sean (my dh) would have such adorable children" and when we started the adoption and hit our first delay she said, " I wish you would hurry this along, if you had gotten preg. I would have my grand child by --- (whatever date she said at the time)" Needless to say, I finally lost it and gave her a verbal thrashing.
I hate to call my mother shallow (at least publicly, haha!), but I think she had visions of white/blonde kiddies with bright blue eyes running around in her head, and a darker skinned, haired, eyed child didn't initially fit with her preconceived images in her head of walking around with her grandchild. Then one day we were at a large craft show and saw 4 or 5 Asian toddlers with their white parents (we were in Northern Virginia which does have a very multi-cultural population). My mother kept on saying "she's cute", "oh, she's adorable", "did you see how cute that little haircut on her was?" etc. By the end of the day, she had reconfigured her image of her adorable grand-daughter and I haven't had a cross word or comment since. Now everytime I get a call from her she's all about the newest tea-set, purse or special nana thing she's purchased for our daughter Lizzie.
Other than that, I haven't had a moments trouble or hesitation by any of our family or friends. In-fact, after years of trying and miscarriages, our loved ones were very excited and supportive of our adoption announcement. We feel very fortunate and we know that Lizzie is being welcomed into a family and community of friends that truly love her.
