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Just wanted to say I don't necessarily disagree with Dad and aMaryland about kids consciously aggravating parents. It depends on whether the kids have attachment issues or not.
Mine do, and they absolutely intend to be annoying, as they will tell you themselves. Regular kids don't do that. They may annoy, but that's not the primary purpose. They're just caught up in the moment, in their joy or fear or whatever.
I should also say my kids came to me at 6, 7, and 9. So, that's a bit of a difference, too. But, if your kids have attachment disorder, their capacity for consciously sabotaging peace and happiness in a home will exceed what should be their developmental limitations.
Also, I should say that attachment disordered kids need a lot of time with their parents. The goal is having time-in's rather than time-outs. They need to learn how to be in relationship. You don't want them thinking, okay, I can meet my own emotional needs, and that's the risk to lots of time-outs, that you might be sending that message. That said, I still do time-outs when I need to get some time to myself. If they are driving you crazy to the point that you just can't be therapeutic with them, it's better to take 20 minutes and take a hot bath or read a novel or do a sudoku puzzle or come post on the boards.
I find it takes a LOT of self-care for me to remain calm and accepting and loving while under assault from my 3 attachment disordered kids. It used to seem excessive to me, but I just accepted it for what it is. I also remind myself that there's a lot of people who just wouldn't be willing to do this under any circumstances. So, be kind to yourself!
Also, one thing that helped a lot was the concept of restitution. When the kids drain energy from the family or just me, then they need to put some energy back. Chores are good for that, and even very little kids can do simple chores like cleaning the baseboards or using a little hand held dust sweeper or the whole line of swiffer products. Massages for mom are good for some families.
Also, when my kids start to get squirrely, I'll have them bring me a book to read. They love being read to, and it calms them down. It's nice and cuddly, and if you're kind of annoyed, the book can get you back on track, too. We have some Christian books for kids that have nice messages for the kids to take in. My youngest daughter and I have been reading a nice book called God Believes in You by Holly Bea. It's very sweet and it encourages her.
Hang in there!
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