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It's a big transition to make, that's for sure. Kids from foster care are usually quite damaged and if you feel really angry and frustrated and irritated, that is because your sons INTEND for you to feel really angry and frustrated and irritated. That's the big difference with kids from loving families or even just non-toxic families, and the kids who come to us from foster care. I think in foster pride classes, they should directly tell people: "You will experience levels of irritation that you never dreamed existed. You may very well lose important relationships in your life as a result of being a foster parent. This is, bar none, the most demanding, difficult task a human being can face."
Eventually, you will feel more peace. One, because you will teach the kids how to live in civilized society--how to eat at the table, how to attend to personal hygiene, how to do basic chores--two, because they will feel more trust and may test you a bit less, three because you will become accustomed to living in relative chaos.
If your kids have attachment issues, then they will REALLY be annoying. They will test you by seeing if you will allow them to interrupt your conversations, if you will repeat yourself, if you lose it when they do property damage, etc. Nancy Thomas is the author of When Love is Not Enough, and she has excellent, practical suggestions for how to nip these "Chinese water torture" behaviors off at the bud. I would not get through this without her!
A primary principle of therapeutic parenting is that you MUST take care of yourself. Get lots of sleep. How? Put the kids to bed early. Eat well. Drink enough water. Take time for yourself every day and do something you enjoy. Post here often. Exercise. Meditate. Pray.
The first 6 months I had the kids were so stressful, and those who haven't done it don't know. But the people here do. It will get better. Hang in there.
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