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Originally Posted by angelkisses0102
...And I have to ask....was no one as offended as I was by the father's statement regarding the birthmom on page 5? I was personally very offended by his comments. Hopefully he learns to understand the adoption triad before his daughter is old enough to be hurt by his comments. I did enjoy the article except for that comment.
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I went back and looked at the article, and you're absolutely right. It's an awful thing to say that a birth mother who makes an adoption plan has "discarded" a child. That's not discarding a child.That's loving a child so much that you want a good life for him or her. "Discarded" is an unfair and loaded word that has no connection whatsoever to a legitimate decision by the birthmom.
And to mock her right to change her mind -- even going so far as to describe a birth mother who might change her mind as "lurking out there like a great white," was a cruel characterization. If a birth mother changes her mind, it has to be as a result of great soul-searching, agonizing, and is not an easy decision made cavalierly, nor are birth moms "lurking" anywhere!
I think, like many people, he's an adoptive parent whose heart is in the right place where his daughter is concerned, but hasn't thought through the whole issue of the decisions a birth mother makes, what it means for her, or how important it is that she have a reasonable timeframe in which to change her mind and decide to parent her child. He breezes through that, makes fun of it, but I think that he did that because he was so afraid of it. I think fear of a birth mom changing her mind is perhaps one of the most frightening aspects of adoption for adoptive parents.
That's not excusing him of course, because there are adoptive parents who recognize the role of the birth mother, honor her part of the triad. I just think that perhaps some people don't think about it, or until the adoption is final, maybe the don't want to think about it, or minimize it or make fun, out of fear.
No offense to our guy members, but I wonder if it comes more naturally to women, this empathy and understanding for the birth mother? I know my DH, who is about the most sympathetic guy in the universe, just didn't connect with the idea of the birth mother until I sat him down and talked to him about how carrying a child for nine months, a child of your blood, creates a bond that is never broken, and how much immense love our baby's birth mother must have for him in order to make an adoption plan. He now has greater sensitivity about that, but I still don't know if he really thinks about her much, and yet, she's in mind quite often.
We may never meet her, but if not for the birthmoms of our children, none of us would be here in the midst of this amazing process. So to me, they deserve admiration, respect, prayers, and everything good our hearts can send them, because its their choices make it possible for us adopt in the first place.
So, stepping off my rambling soapbox--
good article in general, but foo on him for being an insentitive oaf about birthmoms!!!