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I have nothing new to add, just agree with the previous posters.
Crick is right in that you need to meet ALL his needs. His sister should not be meeting any of them. This teaches her to be a child and him to rely on adults. Parentified children are very unhealthy. Also, you say he is attached to her, but it could be an unhealthy attachment and you need to break it.
As for the bed wetting, I would just do pull ups. He has had so much change in such a short time, that this battle isn't one to engage in. The problem may go away on its own, but if not, you can face it later.
I also agree with Time Ins. When a child is traumatized, the last thing you want to do is send them away. Time outs show them that they need to deal with their issues on their own. Instead, you need to teach him that you will be there helping him deal with it, no matter what. His bad behavior may escalate when you start using time ins, but thats ok. He isn't used to an adult be there when he is in pain. He will take a while for him to learn to accept that.
Get therapy. You need to find a therapist who is familiar with attachment therapy. The therapist needs to know how to work with tramautized children. Regular therapy will do more harm than good.
Good luck.
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