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My fs was the same way. He was 3 1/2 when he came to us (he's now almost 5). He would wet himself. It was more of a control thing. he did it on purpose. So we just wears pull ups. He's now past it. It does get better! The best thing I found was to ignore it. If he can see it bothers you, he will continue to do it.
As for the time outs. Well I had to institiute time INS. When he was in trouble he had to be with me for an amount of time. I usually wear jeans. So he had to hold onto my belt loop. Everywhere I went he went. It was a pain for me and it was a real pain for him. But it has worked. He hated to just stand there and hold my belt loop while I took MY TIME to wash dishes or fold laundry.
Now when I can see he's getting overwhelmed and may start to act out I need only ask him "Do you need to stand with mommy for a mintue". Sometimes he says no and sometimes he says "Yes, for a minute".
It just takes time. I know what it's like, been there! I found the other thing that made a huge difference is that when he did something he KNEW was wrong, I made sure to look at him and smile and tell him he's in trouble. If he seen that it made me upset, he'd do it all the more. It's best to react the opposite of what you are feeling or with no emotion at all.
I HIGHLY reccomend reading up on Nancy Thomas! She's got some great things about attachement. She has a website and books out there.
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Kate
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