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Sometimes children from traumatic backgrounds that are seperated then reunited recreate their original environments, no matter how bad they were. It is very caotic for those around them who do not want to live with constant drama. If it is this difficult during pre placement visits, it might be necessary to take a look at whether these kids really should continue to live together. It might not be in their best interest.
Has either child been assessed for attachment disorder?
Many unattached kids do well in group homes and RTCs but cannot handle the intamacy of living in a family.
While siblings do argue and bicker, underlying issues like attachment need to be addressed to protect everyones safety. Also, as a pre adoptive parent, no matter how angry or frustrated you become, you have to be careful what you say. Suggesting they behave if they want to live together will likely make them worse. They will question and test to see how far they have to push before you send them away. While I understand getting to that point, other methods of dealing with it need to be used. Since you know this is an ongoing issue, try to plan for it ahead of time. That way, when they begin to argue, you have control and they lose the power.
I have 2 kids now that were arguing constantly from the second they got up. I sent them out back to the arguing spot to work it out. Works very well when it's cold outside.(they solve things so much quicker)
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