Shoshanna gave you excellent information. When my little girl came to me, she was 2 and had been in many placements previously. I pretty much carried her every where I went. I did the feeding thing, we spent lots of time rocking and I would hold her sippy cup for her (like a bottle), lot of talking face to face, playing sing-song-y games face to face, etc. No one else took care of her. I still am very strict about limiting who and how often she has sitters.
I refused to send her to preschool/daycare, because the LAST thing she needed was more people to try to "bond" with. What she needed was a MOMMA! That's what your little one needs--YOU (I understand that stopping daycare is probably not an option, I'm talking about the rest of the time you are with him). When your hubby gets home at night, even though I know you are beyond frustrated and don't want the baby to cry, try to not hand him over right away. Also, see if your DH will make a big deal of making it seem like a WONDERFUL thing for the baby to go to you or to stay with you.
The best advice Shoshanna gave you was "FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT!!!!" It seems almost deceitful, but this baby NEEDS NEEDS NEEDS NEEDS you to LOVE him. It DOES work, usually, too. The more we make a conscious decision to treat a person like we love them, more often than not, the genuine feelings of love eventually emerge.
Don't give up on this baby or on yourself. I'm sure you are doing just fine. It isn't you and it's not the baby's fault either. It's just the environment he came from. He's not used to how it feels to be taken care of and loved. You have the awesome opportunity to TEACH HIM!
