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Sounds like you had a good first visit. It gets easier with time and trust, but it sounds like things went pretty well other than the bdad having some issues.
For our first visit with our son's bmom, we met at the place where she was renting, then went out to the mall for something to eat (she was only renting a room at the time, so there really wasn't room to socialize). At the mall we met with the bdad and had group pictures taken. He left after that while we walked, shopped, and ate. It was just a few hours, but went well.
The second time was harder. By then she was home in TN with her family and pregnant again. She hadn't told her family about the adoption -- they expected her to get off the plane with a baby. So understandably they had a reaction to that and were not very supportive of the adoption, which made us nervous about the first visit. We only stayed the weekend and mostly visited at her family's house. The next time we all met in Cherokee, NC, for a weekend. Then the last two times -- she's now living with her boyfriend and younger son -- so we visit them. Mostly it goes well, but there are usually awkward moments. She continues to have a tumultous relationship with her family, which makes it hard for us to know what kind of relationship we should try to have with them. For example, she doesn't get along with her one sister at all; this sister completely doesn't think she should've placed Ryan. For a year, she wouldn't even talk to us when we got together, as if it were our fault. She did eventually write a letter apologizing, which I thought took courage, but then when we met most recently this past October, she seemed just as unfriendly. When I asked what she was thinking she'd like to study in college/be after college, she said an adoption counselor; I wondered about the point of that, if there was an ulterior motive or judgment there. Then Jess didn't give her sister clear directions -- we were going to a park after we met for lunch -- she and the bgrandmom got lost, drove around for a while, then got mad and drove home, over an hour away. And we only visit once a year. So I'm wondering what kind of relationship we should even be trying to have with the birthgrandma and family. So it's not always easy, but it does seem to get easier each time we visit in other ways. We usually find a long weekend is enough, but thought maybe next year of going for a week but meeting somewhere, like renting a cabin in the Smokies, for part of it. We do have issues while we're visiting, like the cleanliness of their house and reliability, which tend to bug us. But we get along well and have plenty to talk about, too. Hope this helps.
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