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You know,
Children pick up on the things their parents say and do (or don't say or do). Being secretive about adoption- even if it's only with strangers or friends- will impact your child. That little child will pick up on the things that you say and come to the conclusion that maybe his origins aren't something to be proud of (which isn't true) and that he is living a lie or isn't important enough to be honored as an adoptee and a son. Do a little research on things like that...and see what implications you might face later. I know a lot of agencies and independent counselors have access to a lot of information regarding adult behavior vs. child developement.
What's wrong with a birthfamily trying to contact you? Of course some of them will be less than pleased. Personally, I chose not to place my daughter with family...just cause I didn't want to go visit my "niece" at major holidays...and for the potential for trouble between the family...well, there are lots of reasons, but a lot of them are probably specific to my family and not general so I won't list them here. Anyway, that's beside the point. Obviously, you are related to this child and that child is definately related to your extended family (Birthparents and all) and another family. There isn't a way to keep the adoption a secret in those circles. Also, if you know the birthmother and your family why not visit? Why not share the joy and love around? Give your child another couple of people to love him and build a great network of relationships around him.
I don't really know your circumstances. What I do know is that counseling helps. Joint counseling and individual counseling for you guys, the birthfamily and any extended family that needs it (although the latter should be separate from yall) can help tremendously. It takes a long time for adoptive parents and birthparents to learn to get along with eachother...so don't give up, get some help and help yourself by getting things fixed soon so you can go on living and not have to worry anymore.
Just my humble opinion...hope it helped some?
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