[jaydensmommy]

Hi. I adopted my nephew's child about a year and a half ago. Family adoptions are somewhat different than non-related adoptions in that there will almost always be contact and as such, usually, an open adoption. Since it is open with the bmom, then why can't it be open with the bdad? If he wants contact, couldn't you meet at a neutral place when you're in town and possibly observe him and see if he has the best interest of your child at heart. As your child gets older, won't he/she question where the bfather is and will have to say that you pushed him away/didn't want contact or will you be able to say that you made every effort to allow contact and allow your child to know his bparents. It is my opinion that in most situations, it is better for the child to know the bparents. It takes away the not knowing, searching, etc.

Before adopting our son, I had no knowledge of open adoptions, but after reading and doing research I am 100% for them in most cases. I wasn't always comfortable with the open adoption arrangement and have had to grow and become secure that I am his mother. It was definitely easier on the open adoption arrangement with my nephew than the bmother because he was already family. My relationship with the bmother is not for me, but for my son.

I have become more comfortable with it as time has passed and am actually wanting more contact, i.e., scheduled. As of now she will see him and then not see him for months and then see him again and say she wants to see him the next day and then not show up (she's now 16, placed at 15). I don't want our son to get disappointed by her saying she's going to be there and then not show. This isn't as much of a problem now, but as he gets older, he may be hurt by the fact that she is a no-show. I will be speaking to her about this in the next visit or so.

Open adoptions can be difficult, but can be very rewarding also of all are willing to work at it.