[Southernroots]

Still not certain that I understand what you are upset about, but, from your last post, it sounds as though it is because the birth mother told people that she placed her child with you. And that you are afraid that some members of the birth family may now want to contact you. Is that right?

Is that is indeed an accurate description of the situation, like the others, I guess that I am not really understanding the basis for your being upset. If this woman was pregnant - placed her baby with you - were you expecting her to lie about where the baby is now? Maybe I misunderstanding you? If not, this adoption is starting off on a bad note, I would say. To me, it seems unreasonable for you to expect her to lie about where the child is - even if she agreed to it.

As for being afraid that birth family members will contact you - are you worried about the adoption not going through or is it already legal? In any case, being "worried" about the birth family contacting you also seems a bad omen to begin an adoption with. Do you know that for the child's sake, most experts consider it better for children to retain some contact with birth family when possible?

Is this supposed to be a closed or an open adoption? You mention a visit and your post is under "open adoption" right? If it is supposed to be "open", is it a reasonable expectation that she tells no one? I still am not certain that from your explanation that you gave us enough info to form a reasoned opinion on this situation.

You don't want any trouble now? I don't understand what that means exactly. Is it you want to "hide the baby" from the family till you have told it about the adoption? As for telling the child later, I hope you have read about when to tell a child that they are adopted because most adoption experts that I trust now recommend that a child be told from day one. Springing it on them later has severe consequences often. There was a poster yesterday who was told at age 4 and it had a very negative affect on her.

As for not going through with an already planned visit,
again, not a good way to start off. I fear that since you fear she did something you didn't like, now you may want to "get back" at her and cancel a visit. Please re-think that idea for the child's sake. It is so much better for the child if you all get along. Yes, I think it IS too harsh to cancel a visit and a really negative way to begin an adoption.

Is there a good knowledgeable adoption therapist in your area you could talk to? Or an experienced mediator or counselor who could discuss this adoption with you all? I think it is important to get the situation back on track right away.