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Jenna,
Sure! you can ask! And I am not at all offended. I can see why it may seem strange.
Why I will sign a morally binding agreement. Because I do plan to do everything that I signed to. I think it re-assures the birthparents, and also really spells out what the intentions are. That way, no one will be assuming anything, it's layed out in black and white.
Why I won't sign a legal document. There are a few reasons.
1- I want to be able to make decisions for my child without the courts being involved. If I decide for MY reasons that things need to change, I have that right. Some compare this to divorce and signing visitation etc. But i see that differently. Adoption is not co-parenting and one should not confuse the two. I would also like to point out that in our morally binding agreement it states that if at any time we (dh and i) feel that continuing contact is not in our families best interest, we have the right to make that choice. We thoroughly discussed what events would lead to this.
2- Because life happens. I would not want to have to go to court because I had a bad year and could not arrange a time to visit with the birthfamily or they with us. What if we or they move? This is why if i did sign something it would be very minimal and only regard written contact.
3- I would NEVER take my sons birthmother to court for not holding her end of the bargain up.
4- I do not want a document that may limit the growth of our relationship. I think that all relationships need time to grow and get comfortable.
I hope that explains my thoughts on this matter. I take my morally binding agreement very seriously.
This may sound strange...but...if we do adopt again, I think that the next birthmother can find a little reassurance in the fact that we have really worked on our relationship with my sons birthfamily. I think actions speak volumes, and she will have the benefit of seeing our actions.
I'd love feedback on my thoughts.
Leigh
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Leigh
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