[ripples]

I can relate to your pain as I've just done a rather sudden reunion and found out that my b-parents died over 20 years ago (I was adopted at 8 weeks old in Taiwan). I'm going through grieving and it really hurts! I cry over not having been able to reconnect with them as well as the newfound knowledge of the poverty that they had suffered - I did visit their grave sites, which was helpful. Glad that you and the others in this thread had coined the term 'ambiguous loss' - I think it's so ambiguous since our society has so little recognition of this type of reunion. Most people around me are celebrating the fact that I've reunited with some of my birth siblings - however I guess I'm going through both this ambiguous (and delayed) loss over my bparents. I've been through grieving over the death of one of my adoptive parents so am familiar with how this roller coaster can be.

All I can say is that I hope that you are finding healing and am so grateful for this subsection of this site. Everyone's comments really help me feel so less alone in this very sad journey. I know that we'll come out of it healed once the rawer parts are through.

P.S. Wouldn't it be great if there was an icon that was crying? The frown one doesn't quite express what I'm feeling.