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LA Foster Mom
I'm a foster mom to a 14-year-old. I was her Volunteer Big Sister for 7 years and became her foster mom a year ago. Sometimes it's good but mostly I'm feeling dead to her now. I caught her in a big lie tonight and well, I am fantasizing sending her back. To where, I don't know. She was with her great-grandma who can't take care of her. Her mom is a drug addict and her dad is in prison. She's so closed off. I thought I knew her. Her therapist talks about Attachment Disorder, and overall, she's doing really well. She's got ADHD and is on meds and is doing OK in a new charter high school. I just feel don't feel love for her anymore. What's wrong with me. I feel like I've given up my life for her, and she cringes if I put a hand on her, etc. I've been in her life for seven years, but I still feel like I have to prove myself because I'm not her "real" family.
I just don't feel bonded to her. I want to give her back but it would devastate her and I'd feel guilty.
God, I can't even believe I'm saying all this. Mostly this has just been the thoughts in my head but I'm hoping someone can help.
Thanks!
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