Originally Posted By
To Lauri from Korean Adoptee.. again
Hi Lauri... Glad you decided to go through with the adoption process/journey. About the adoptees with the quiet lives... Like you, I've browsed the board and chatrooms and was shocked first to see how many domestic adoptions have taken place. There are a lot of adoptees searching. The second thing I've noticed is this... I'm a member to 3 different Korean adoptee online groups, and contribute to other Korean adoptee boards and also attend a local chapter of Also Known As which is a Korean adoptee group. From my experience, there are more international adoptees who are not looking to have a personal relationship with their birth mothers. I don't know why that is. I've found and even for me, I'm someone who completed the search for my birth mother by traveling back to Korea. I did not do it to find parental support from her or even to gain an intimate relationship with her. I searched for the "knowing" I may find from it. In talking to many other Korean adoptees, most do not want to intrude on the lives of their birth family. Many just want to satisfy a longing of establishing an identity, being thankful to the birth mother, letting her know we are okay, search for curiosity. I do not know any Korean adoptee who is desperate for an intimate relationship with their bmom. I think another piece of that is the realization of the culture which prompted the adoption. For those adoptees who've done research and who have heard other stories about Korea's culture environment, there is somewhat of an understanding that the relinquishment of a child through adoption is very very private. It is something that in history has brought about shame. So many adoptees realize before the search process that having a relationship with the birth mother is very very slim. So... that's my scoop on the subject. Just as in every situation, you are right, you will find those who find the joy and positivity being adopted and you will also find those who view adoption as being a negative experience. Overall, my experience is that those who have negative views have other contributing factors after the adoption that add to their perception. You are doing a beautiful thing by adopting an international adoptee. It will no doubt be a growth experience for both you, your family, and your child. You sound like you've put a lot of thought into this decision... trust yourself and have faith that it is a decision made that is worthy of you and speaks volumes about your character.
Kimberly